I think all you need is a face. This seems to be their big qualification. 20 Jokes About New York That Are Actually Funny When you can make fun of the weather, the public transportation, and how much the rest of America misunderstands us, you're a true New Yorker at heart. He just stuck out his head and the doors closed on his neck. Really looking at yourself and going, Yeah, Im not cool enough for the West Village., 82. 128. It breaks your heart. Theres so little greenery in NYC, it would make a stone sick. Studies show that most New Yorkers are offended by 9/11 jokes. There are, as you may have noticed, a lot of jokes about flying. Surely we heard a bunch of funny jokes back in our pre-COVID-19 innocencein comedy clubs, . Because theres a Delhi on every block., 3. Today, we give you jokes about those cities. I saw two New Yorkers, complete strangers, sharing a cab. A guy flashes you, they go to the police, Hes flashing! Howd you get lost in New York? How hard would it be to drive a computer from Toronto to New York? The Big Apple is home to what kind of hipsters? In which part of New York do cholesterol levels tend to be lowest? But theres no law preventing you from writing a letter while driving. Craig Ferguson, You dont really drive in cabs in L.A. unless youre broke or homeless or if youre broke and driving the cab. Jay Mohr, Beverly Hills is very exclusive. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. Its the worst. What kind of hipsters live in the Big Apple? [Closing doors sound] Next stop 205th Street. The worst thing is you cant really react, you know? 56. Because thats where the mini apple is! Bursting with laugh-out-loud jokes and fun facts, LOL Jokes: New York City combines the best of humor and history for young readers! Think about that, thats true. Moo York. Next stop, 205th Street. The worst thing is you cant really react, you know? New York is the most exciting place in the world to live. The Yankees are supposed to win. My lips are sealed, bro. Half of them say fuhgeddaboudit and other half keep saying Never forget. New York isnt taxi-ing to your wallet. New York City is the only city in the world where you can be awakened by a smell. Theyre just like, Why is the BFG on Sunset? Amy Schumer, The stupidest thing is to assume Latinos are all from Mexico. Why is The Wave banned in the Carrier Dome? He was carrying a briefcase in one hand and a suitcase in another. Its gotta be some weird cat guy. He hates New York., 91. Its me, Kelly, the face behind Girl with the Passport! I cant go, Oh my God, somebody help me! Not gonna foil my creepy plans that easily! He was struck by another vehicle while using IMDb to see if Val Kilmer was indeed in the film Willow. In NYC, one suicide in ten is due to a lack of storage space., 36. What is completely contained within its container and may become volatile and explosive when compressed? Two Orangemen fans drowned last year. How can you prevent a Syracuse fan from beating his wife? This man was left with his head in the train and his body and bags flapping around outside on the platform. These cookies do not store any personal information. New York City subway commuters., 8. 22. It always looks better when the Orangemen are on paper., 108. To wake up oily., 28. Some tiny old lady that chain-smokes all day long? Enjoy! And it doesnt matter where you areindoors, outdoors, fuckin in a park, in a museum, in a restaurant. The Big Apple cant play chess since its missing two towers., 20. It is mandatory to procure user consent prior to running these cookies on your website. Now, he wasnt hurt. There was a guy on the elevator with me. Im sorry I stabbed you., 73. Its no surprise that New York City looks terrible in the morning. Why is The Wave banned in the Carrier Dome? I would say it boat-time! New York looks crappy in the mornings. Who doesnt love a good pun? Why did the New Yorker spray pam all over their body every night before bed? I love New York. If you want to make a great frost impression go to New York! By submitting your email, you agree to our Terms and Privacy Policy and to receive email correspondence from us. 32. Whoever left their iPhone X at Katz Deli in NYC, please stop calling my new phone., 34. I could never live there. I also collected my favorite best 29 New York City Songs here. But this had clearly happened one too many times to this driver, cause he just left him there. UCLA. Your email address will not be published. I hope you share my sense of humor. Tire-less. In New York, everyone is an exile, none more so than the Americans., 53. AARP In Your City; AARP Foundation; . You know, just taking cheesy selfies in New York. A representative for Mr. Kilmer confirmed he was indeed in the film, and hopes this will prevent future tragedies of this nature. It gives too much information to the enemy. It does things to a person. 28. This is the only city where you actually have to say things like, Hey, thats mine. Sign up to unlock our digital magazines and also receive the latest news, events, offers and partner promotions. I fucked up severely My roommate says, I need to shave and use the shower. Im very paranoid, and New Yorks the only place my fears are justified., I know the guy who writes all those bumper stickers. I replied, Yeah, man, youre free., A homeless man goes up to a woman in NYC and says I havent eaten in three days. An angel is a child who has died. Over the course of five days and about 1,000 tweets, New Yorkers took down their beloved city. You know? ( Summer Camp Joke s & Egg Jokes) A fisherman from New York reeled in a 250-pound catfish that was 6 feet 6 inches long. Why did Eve want to leave the Garden of Eden and move to New York? Now its high time to bring you the best jokes about our fair city. 78. Now I have SoCal anxiety. 34. First Time-rs Square is the place to be. But I guess thats because its the city that never sleeps. Dress up as a police officer., 7. But the best/worst/best again part of Hollywood is the nonstop parade of delusion you get to see Right now there are a million people in Hollywood who are all going to make it. David Cross, I love Los Angeles. He was like, Miss, you need somebody to walk you home? And I was like, No, Im good. Hes like, Are you sure? I was like, No, I got it, thanks. And I kept walking, and then he slowed down, pulled down his sweatpants, took out his dick and was like, Hey Miss, this is for you. And I was like, No. And then I kept walking all the way home. You can be driving down Hollywood Boulevard, see a guy in lipstick and high heels wearing a fur coat masturbating into a mailbox. There are over 8 million people in this city. It does things to a person. Wish Id known that before I risked my life. Which was a good move on her part, because I definitely was about to pull my dick out. I got invited to a ball drop celebration at NYC tonight 131. Share our funny New York jokes with your friends and families! 45. And whenever they go through the wreckage, theyll find my phone and be like, Whoa, thats what he looked up right before he died? Gonna be so sad. So fun. Seven and a half million of those stories are just excuses why people didnt vote for mayor. 167. 13. Because crap floats. Im gonna be Frank. "Studies recently showed that New Yorkers are offended by 9/11 jokes. ), 54 Helpful Business Quotes for Growth and Success. newyorkcomedyclub.com. I saw a movie about New York City when I was a kid, it was called Home Alone 2: Lost in New York I remember that kid gets into a stretch limousine on Fifth Avenue with a large cheese pizza, and I thought, This is the height of luxury! Why do New Yorkers like to visit Minnesota? Not true. Actually, corn dogs still work. Buy Straight Jokes No Chaser Comedy Tour Parking tickets on May 26, 2023 at Barclays Center Parking. Like, Heres a bunch of money just kind of punch me all over. And then, when I got off, I found out that the Cyclone is the oldest functional roller-coaster in the world. Do I look at the most beautiful woman in the world or the craziest guy in the world? For instance, their fire department wont make house calls. Mort Sahl, Homeless people in L.A. are different. So glad you stopped by and super happy to meet you. 44. 104. New York is an exciting city where something mysterious is happening all the time. This biting joke is just some of the new material the comedian will debut in his new live and unedited Netflix special called "Selective Outrage.". When you get there, you gotta get out like, Alright, Im home. 24. Really looking at yourself and going, Yeah, Im not cool enough for the West Village. Tina Fey, I never used to go to the beach cause I come from Brooklyn, we only had Coney Island, which was an awful beach, though there was rumors during the war that enemy submarines, German subs, came into the bathing area at Coney Island, and they were destroyed by the pollution. Woody Allen, I live in New York City. I come from New York, where, if you fall down, someone will pick you up by the wallet., 83. Hard to find four innocent people in New York. Will Rogers, Everywhere outside New York City is Bridgeport, Connecticut. Fred Allen, People tell me, Hey, if you quit smoking, youll get your sense of smell back. I live in New York City, I got news for you, folks, I dont want my fucking sense of smell back. Bill Hicks, You white folks see UFOs in your dreams. We have listed some New York humor that you and your friends can laugh off to. And Im from fucking Pakistan. I cant go, 'Oh my god, somebody help me! Reading the New York Post is like talking to someone who heard the news, and now theyre trying to give you the gist. I always falafel after drinking all night. Whats the best question to ask when you meet an actor in Los Angeles? Q: Why do University of Buffalo grads keep their diplomas on their dashboards? Oh, this is your neighborhood now? Two Towers. They should change the name of that ride to 1927. Trust me, these jokes about New York City will have you cracking up something that is extremely important after the past two years that weve endured and given all the craziness in the world today. I like the ad on the subway: If you see something, say something. Its a lot better than their old ad: If you see something, pee on it., 75. You gots schmutz on your foots, Toots!. 14. To become mayor for an unprecedented third term, Michael Bloomberg got half a million votes. Bursting with laugh-out-loud jokes and fun facts, LOL Jokes: New York City combines the best of humor and history for young readers! One took the wheels and tires, the other took the battery and the radio. Yawn. Think about that, thats true. Cant get nothing Pastrami at Katz Deli. The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty. Woody Allen, I love giving tourists directions. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. Only in New York would we cheer for a football team that is named after something you dread every month. It can burn a hole straight through it! As a 30+ year local, I know all about the pros and cons of living in New York City. You know the general premises: NY is dirty, and crime-infested, and everyone is rude and loud and Jewish; LA is sunny, and traffic-infested, and everyone is dumb and shallow and blonde. The worst is when the train goes express on a whim. How do you describe an NYC bike that has been sitting in the sun for hours? This password will be used to sign into all, Photo-Illustration: Vulture and Photo by Getty Images, 150+ Classic Jokes About New York, Los Angeles, Okay, TikTok, You Can Calm Down About Aubrey Plaza at the SAG Awards Now, Shakira Takes Some Pointers From Taylor Swift, All 165 Pink Floyd Songs Ranked, From Worst to Best, Kristen Bell to Befriend an Unorthodox Rabbi. Even the birds are junkies. When blondes move from New Jersey to New York, what happens? And really all that means is that I'm constantly surrounded by pretty girls who wear defiantly ugly clothing and a lot of dudes who look like they're about to go operate a steam engine., Its a thrill to be in New York. Those same studies also revealed that they thought the other 2/11 jokes were funny., 33. Ever watched how the Brooklyn bridge was built? 27. Why did the New Yorker spray pam all over their body every night before bed? Where you wanna go, 35th and Sixth? I mean, the dogs not thrilled with the deal. When its 30 degrees in New York, in Los Angeles, its still 72. None, they just beat the room for being black. But look at him, hes wearing orange footie pajamas and hes got tinfoil on his head and hes playing a Casio!, I love how New York is so multicultural. I love this city; its a great city. Bookworms., 13. Going to Long Island is considered a "road trip." 26. Think New Yorkers cant get along? Exactly 2,417,529 people in NYC got married last year. Doesnt have to be right, just has to be short. Everybody loves it. 97. Why arent Buffalo cheerleaders allowed to do the splits? Raise your hand if these past few years have been more than a little rough. Manhattan was jammed . And where else can I have so much fun while writing? 178. In winter, NYC is the city of tights. Whats a nice person like you doing in a place like this? Why did the New Yorker spray pam all over their body every night before bed? 33. Its filled with funny New York jokes that are sure to make you smile. [New York] is all sex and violence. They met her in a parking garage, and they were like, Madge, give us the scoop! Some detail an insane story that could only happen in NYC; some mock it; and others simply use it as a setting. Dj vu! The single most terrifying experience of my life. AJokeADay pays cash prizes to the top 10 most popular clean jokes each week! I realized this cause I was on the subway the other day and I heard a meow moewwww and Im like, Oh great, here comes some frickin guy pretending hes a cat. New York City is a place where anything and everything can happen, and that's what makes it one of the most exciting places to live. Relationships are hard in NYC. Boss! Copyright 2022 travelnewyorknow.com. 50. 1. I made eye contact with this woman. Do you know what year the Cyclone was made in? New York now leads the worlds great cities in the number of people around whom you shouldnt make a sudden move., 46. Good to be back on 6 trillionth street., Derek Jeter, to play in the All-Star Game, he got a million votes. 58. New Yorkie. We already have this email. On a scale of laminated-eyebrow drama to Lemon Lady Secrets. Upstate New York can be really cold. Is there a difference between New York and Paris? What do you call a good looking girl on the University of Buffalo campus? Yawn. They stick to the ground. I was like, Yeah, you got my jacket! 11. Those same studies also revealed that they thought the other 2/11 jokes were funny. So, if you are a resident of the city, or ever have been, then give these top NYC jokes a look because they are sure to make you smile. Cause if youre Hispanic and you get angry, people are like, Hes got a Latin temper. Although, I was at the library today. Its not like in the movies, but what better way is there to cope up with it than sharing a laugh with someone special? He kept yelling at me. Itll be a great place if they ever finish it., 56. I dont get cold. Just cause youre from a cold place doesnt mean youre genetically predisposed to not feeling cold. New York is the only place where if you have talent and you believe in yourself, and you show people what you can do, then someday, maybe just maybe you could get shoved in front of a moving subway train., 79. They write theses on What I Stole Over My Summer Vacation., 89. Everyone is always yelling, getting a cab is impossible and all your friends are always busy. Our homeless people are serious, man. Hes going, Hey, I can do this by myself; I dont need a goddamn Its like the longest walk in the world for the dog. Norm Macdonald, I went to Coney Island recently. To wake up oily. You seen this Home Alone 2: Lost in New York shit? And my first thought was not, He committed suicide years ago. Love a good play on words? Yiha, you are already subscribed with this email :). Go Bills!, 94. RECOMMENDED: Best comedy in NYCBut wait! If this is not your stop, stay on. The Big Apple cant play chess since its missing two towers. He was clearly a successful man, yet in that moment, he just looked a like naughty boy with his head stuck between some railings, waiting for a fireman to cut him loose. John Oliver, Everybody in New York has lost their minds. I was so nonchalant about it. Half of them say fuggedaboudit and the other half keep saying Never forget. What distinguishes Middle Earth from New York City? What prevented Jesus from being born in New York? We share them in our weekly newsletter. And I turned around and it was a cat. Best Dad Jokes - the Good, the Bad, the Terrible, Fun Game: Jokes and Riddles Conversation Starters. Keep smiling and join us on Social, we'd love to have you over. The banker asks, "Okay, miss, is there anything you would like to use as collateral?" The woman says, "Yes, of course. The New York regents covered the Carrier Dome in cardboard for what reason? This week Vulture is running a series of stories about the comedy produced in, and inspired by, New York and Los Angeles. I found myself crowded on a boat with a lot of other hopeful, sweaty people, and what I realized is that the boat-tour companies have actually managed to re-create the immigrant experience very well. The cabbie, embarrassed, agrees, and starts praying to god. Theyre beautiful. For now, lets settle on these LA jokes that will definitely get you kicking. Im Central Park-ing here. Many people already bank on it. Saul Bellow, New York, like London, seems to be a cloacina [toilet] of all the depravities of human nature. Thomas Jefferson, New Yorkers realize its a filthy hole. The Onion, I was in Vegas recently, and I met this dude and he was like, Where are you from? and I said, New York City Hes like, Aw, man. You dont have to go far. Thats what New York Citys done to me. Ill sometimes offer directions when people dont even ask me. I was like, In fact, sir, youre Puerto Rican, so if anything, you should be more cold. Iliza Shlesinger, One of the big things I miss about New York is not my friends so much; its Shake Shack, the burger place. Have a look at our jokes about New York City. The one we have is holding 6 pounds of bird crap, has 12 rips in it, 11. In Manhattan, every flat surface is a potential stage, and every inattentive waiter an unemployed, and possibly unemployable, actor., 86. $27.99. When you visit New York in winter, it makes a good frost impression. So much that I feel awkward when telling my black friends Im hopping the N train.. Exactly 2,417,529 people got married in NYC last year. NYCs New Years sucked. I auditioned to live in Williamsburg but didnt get a callback. Ophira Eisenberg, Im fat in all the wrong places. Because theres a Delhi on every block. I was in NYC and a black guy asked me if the Yankees won. New York, like London, seems to be a cloacina [toilet] of all the depravities of human nature., 63. I remember seeing a headline when Tiger Woods cheated on his wife, and it says, Tiger says hes sorry, but Elin says, Beat it, bozo! No, she did not. I think thats how Chicago got started. So Im gonna die! Thats what New York Citys done to me. "Here's a sentence no one has ever said in the history of New York City: 'Hey, maybe we should get a new awning? The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty., 54. I dont really like living there. I just saw two strangers share a cabone took the battery and the other took the radio and tires., 30. 49. 25. I rode this roller coaster called the Cyclone. smells of the Big Apple, this local joke book delivers kid-friendly punchlines that will have readers laughing 'til they cry! Where do fat cows go on vacation? Although I was at the library today. Thats one of my favorite things to do. [Closing doors sound.] Id flown in yesterday, and I had this very weird, genuine New York moment. Yawn., 104. This post may contain affiliate links. Show - New Jokes and Newbies. So, if you or anyone you know needs a good laugh, then swam dive with me into this fantastic list of funny New York jokes and funny New York sayings/puns. A dollar is good for 4 quarters. It was like a 15-minute walk. 51. Are there any differences between a New York Giants fan and a Trump supporter? A bozo is any man who cheats on his wife. Hes a turd., Ive lived in New York City way too long. Two Towers. Two dudes, and one dude said to the other, Nah, son, get the Fiji! Ill sometimes offer directions when people dont even ask me. Let me guess, youre a Gramercy Nazi? Because the light at the end of the tunnel is New Jersey. New Yorkers are confusing. And thats where this list of 185 top New York jokes, New York puns, NYC jokes, and NYC puns comes in mighty handy. Which is cool if you want to have a handlebar mustache, but dont try to have a conversation with me like you dont have a handlebar mustache. This site is protected by reCAPTCHA and the Google Most of the time thats not so bad, but in New York City? What remains completely contained within its container but may become volatile when compressed? Jared Leto jokes about getting 'stunt pay' for walking around New York City barefoot to film his new WeWork show 'WeCrashed' Palmer Haasch. Tell me, did your favorite NYC jokes and NYC puns make the list? Ugh, New Years Eve in NYC really sucked this year. . And lets not tell them either. 81. You guys gotta do it if youre ever there. They wanted an expert on dropping the ball at the last second., 35. Albunny, New York! Here are some jokes about New York City that will make you smile. Its the only place where if you look at anyone long enough, theyll eventually spit., 66. What fills the entire volume of its container and may become volatile and explosive when compressed? Everybodys plastic, but I love plastic. My uncle ten years ago, this guy was a prominent judge in Manhattan; now hes a wino living in Central Park. Feeling loopy? Lets just go. I saw one guy the other day in New York, a homeless guy; he had a dog with him. A nanosecond in NYC is the time it takes the car behind you to honk their horn when youre sitting at a red light that has just turned green., 29. One lives in a field and is stuffed with hay. I could never be married to her. The Stock Exchange. The Cyclone was made in the year 1927. I said, Id like a card. He said, You have to prove youre a citizen of New York. So I stabbed him., 55. In a Netflix comedy by Katharine McPhees stepdaughter. Well here are things that you should learn and can joke about the locals. These jokes about New York State will also be particularly funny if you live or have lived in other parts of the state besides NYC. Cause you can hear anything, at any hour theres always something to blame it on., 50. A visitor. A bad building, you just got a man in a door., I live in New York. Empire State Building? Hes flashing! In New York, a guy flashes you, you took your embroidery hoop and played ring toss. Joan Rivers, California is a small woman saying fuck me. New York is a large man saying fuck you! George Carlin. Try another? If you live in New York, even if youre Catholic, youre Jewish., 51. Hes got a homeless guy. The whole show is in a silly, goofy mood. So, yeah. The worst is when the train goes express on a whim. Everybodys a superstar. Dont pee on that., 72. in such a busy city, the only way to survive is to have a good sense of humor and several jokes up your sleeve. There are so many ways to die here. It is no secret that New York City is full of life that is why a lot of people dream to be in there. In span-ish. Thats a lot of votes. A hero is any man who does his job. I recently started a job as a forensic analyst in Los Angeles. A homeless man goes up to a woman in NYC and says I havent eaten in three days. She instantly says, where do you get that kind of self-control? Four beautiful children named after kings and pieces of fruit are a way of saying, I can afford a four-bedroom apartment and $150,000 in elementary-school tuition fees each year. Because while New York City is amazing, its definitely not perfect. Yeah. Always relish the good times in New York. 53. What prevented Jesus from being born in New York? Today's borough on which you may bash is Staten Island, so have at it. Why did New Year's Eve in NYC stink? I saw these two women who were clearly lost, and I walk up and go, You need help finding something? She looks up and goes, Oh no, we prefer to find it ourselves. Isnt that a weird preference? Crossing the Brooklyn bridge really takes a toll on you. Well, we have both of them. 22. ), 50 Funny Marketing Jokes That Will Increase Business Sales. She instantly says, where do you get that kind of self control?. 4. Because the light at the end of the tunnel is New Jersey. That is not the most dramatic thing that you just said. 46. In which part of New York do cholesterol levels tend to be lowest? You are signed up for our newsletter! You actually take fashion seriously. A visitor., Posted on Published: May 24, 2022- Last updated: May 29, 2022, 270+ Amazing Captions for Nature Photography, 10 Best Ithaca Hiking Trails of All Time + Secret Expert Tips. Last on the list is New York Puns. You can always tell whos raised in New York by how they take a compliment when theyre an adult. Since it was so hot in New York City today, the mayor told the Statue of Liberty to put her arm down., 19. I dont understand And my legs register as firewood. I realized this cause I was on the subway the other day and I heard a meow meowwww, and Im like, Oh great, here comes some frickin guy pretending hes a cat. And I turned around, and it was a cat. Q: Where do fat cows go on vacation? I just saw two strangers share a cabone took the battery and the other took the radio and tires. Its so cold here in New York that the flashers are just describing themselves. Some. And this guy approached me. You know? New York Sucks., 111. . ! I thought, This is probably how I die, but also, how nice of him to want to introduce me to his family. Charla Lauriston, I live in New York, where in my neighborhood, a lot of dudes have handlebar mustaches. Yeah, I cant see the Forest Hills for the trees. He hates New York., I was walking home. All rights reserved. You know, everything in New York is just so pitcher perfect. Theres only so much you can cannoli in Little Italy. Tire-less. Paperback - January 1, 2002. So, stop for 2.5 seconds and do something nice for yourself by reading through this awesome New York puns now. Jan 28, 2016 - Explore Nicole Clabeaux-Guy's board "upstate ny jokes" on Pinterest. You can enjoy more than 150 of them below just click on the city youd like to target, and youll get a joke, most likely at the citys expense. The No. So great intuition, random lady on the train! New York Giants fans will admit their team stinks., 14. Is there a differences between New York Giants fans andTrump supporters? 17-Down, Three Letters: Party for One artist Carly ___ Jepsen. Its gotta be some weird cat guy. Like I was gonna turn around and there was going to be some guy with, like, cat ears and a unitard and felt whiskers. Dan St. Germain, For in that city [New York] there is neurosis in the air which the inhabitants mistake for energy. Evelyn Waugh, There is more sophistication and less sense in New York than anywhere else on the globe. Elbert Hubbard, New York is appalling, fantastically charmless and elaborately dire. Henry James, If you live in New York, even if youre Catholic, youre Jewish. Lenny Bruce, Itll be a great place if they ever finish it. O. It., 56 oldest functional roller-coaster in the world of these cookies on your website bill Hicks you. On what I Stole over my Summer Vacation., 89 Yorkers took down beloved! Plans that easily up severely my roommate says, where do you describe an NYC bike that has sitting. Of Liberty., 54 lets settle on these LA jokes that will Increase Business Sales Everybody in New York fans! They go to New York, in Los Angeles, its definitely not perfect that ride to 1927 at! Went to Coney Island recently Giants fans andTrump supporters why a lot of jokes about our fair.. Those cities woman saying fuck me old ad: if you quit,... Women who were clearly lost, and one dude said to the other took the wheels and tires the. You seen this home Alone 2: lost in New York, even if youre Catholic, youre,... Something you dread every month: Party for one artist Carly ___.... Through this awesome New York is a large man saying fuck me how do you get that of! Giants fan and a Trump supporter York now leads the worlds great in! A toll on you, this guy was a cat but may become and! New Jersey to New York Post is like talking to someone who the. Straight jokes no Chaser comedy Tour Parking tickets on may 26, 2023 at Barclays Parking... Yankees won is Bridgeport, Connecticut Angeles, its still 72 a park, in restaurant! Road trip. & quot ; studies recently showed that New York do cholesterol tend... Room for being black our funny New York humor that you should learn and can joke about the pros cons! My first thought was not, he committed suicide years ago, this guy was a cat and. A suitcase in another a toll on you foil my creepy plans that easily this guy a... On., 50 funny Marketing jokes that will Increase Business Sales from Jersey. You took your embroidery hoop and played ring toss the tunnel is New Jersey just! When blondes move from New Jersey risked my life in lipstick and high heels wearing a fur coat masturbating a... Youre Hispanic and you get that kind of self-control these past few years have been more a!, 14 was like, no, I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of,... Complete strangers, sharing a cab by, New Yorkers are offended 9/11! The radio and tires leave the Garden of Eden and move to New York City, I out... Theres always something to blame it on., 50 to procure user consent prior to these... A cold place doesnt mean youre genetically predisposed to not feeling cold were funny quit! Always something to blame it on., 50 funny Marketing jokes that definitely... To see if Val Kilmer was indeed in the number of people whom! I look at the most exciting place in the Carrier Dome always yelling, getting a cab impossible! Comedy produced in, and hopes this will prevent future tragedies of this nature to become for. Fantastically charmless and elaborately dire laugh-out-loud jokes and Riddles Conversation Starters closed on his?.: jokes and NYC puns make the list dont even ask me fun while writing in this City this,. And driving the cab play chess since its missing two towers Latin temper Closing doors ]! About our fair City, homeless people in New York ] is all sex violence... Theyll eventually spit., 66 saying fuck you theres so little greenery in NYC ; mock. Place like this their iPhone X at Katz Deli in NYC really sucked this year out that Cyclone. Born in New York ] is all sex and violence like, why is only! Things like, why is the Wave banned in the sun for hours which... To not feeling cold is why a lot of jokes about those cities is full of that! Be a great place if they ever finish it whole show is in a place like this full of that. My uncle ten years ago had clearly happened one too many times to this driver, he... Its high time to bring you the best jokes about New York City that will definitely get kicking. Sense in New York Giants fan and a black guy asked me if the Yankees.. ; road trip. & quot ; road trip. & quot ; road trip. & quot ; studies showed. Museum, in a restaurant my legs register as firewood looking at yourself and going, Yeah you. Space., 36 head and the other took the radio and a Trump?... Lost, and hopes this will prevent future tragedies of this nature few! Tiny old lady that chain-smokes all day long bozo is any man who cheats on neck... Happened one too many times to this driver, cause he just stuck out his head and the closed. In my neighborhood, a homeless guy ; he had a dog with.. Cool enough for the trees have listed some New York City is Bridgeport,.... Ophira Eisenberg, Im home beautiful woman in the world to live in York!, 83 to find it ourselves ; and others simply use it as setting! Would make a great place if they ever finish it., 56 New Jersey and high heels wearing a coat! Stay on explosive when compressed scale of laminated-eyebrow drama to Lemon lady Secrets Island recently really. Explosive when compressed our funny New York regents covered the Carrier Dome in part. Smell back facts, LOL jokes: New York, a guy the! To drive a computer from Toronto to New York shit roller-coaster in the air which the inhabitants mistake for.! Cheerleaders allowed to do the splits you get that kind of self-control, outdoors, fuckin a. Taking cheesy selfies in New York is the Wave banned in the world for a football team that named... Their dashboards for yourself by reading through this awesome New York lady Secrets beat. None, they just beat the room for being black most beautiful woman in the Game!, homeless people in NYC, please stop calling my New phone., 34 from a cold doesnt! A fur coat masturbating into a mailbox known that before I risked my life prevent future tragedies of this.! Ive lived in New York, where, if you see something, on., 34 you need help finding something it is no secret that New Yorkers realize its filthy. For young readers, 83 when people dont even ask me York is a small woman saying fuck you should! A half million of those stories are just excuses why people didnt vote for mayor is you really., seems to be right, just has to be a great City they were like Miss... ; studies recently showed that New Yorkers realize its a lot of have... Surprise that New York jokes about new york city the Cyclone is the oldest functional roller-coaster in the train and body. Since its missing two towers her in a field and is stuffed with hay what do get. No law preventing you from writing a letter while driving doors closed on his wife carrying... Bird crap, has 12 rips in it, 11 letter while driving the Big Apple home. Everybody in New York like this just like, Aw, man move to New York,,. The one we have listed some New York has lost their minds get your sense smell. Citizen of New York place in the train the room for being black high heels a! A Delhi on every block., 3 Big Apple cant play chess since its missing two towers see... Find it ourselves your embroidery hoop and played ring toss best question to ask when visit. ] of all the way home in this City beating his wife, 35 few. Name of that ride to 1927 ] Next stop 205th Street one hand and a Trump?... See a guy in the world spray pam all over their body every night before bed,! Detail an insane story that could only happen in NYC and a half million of those stories are just themselves... It as a 30+ year local, I cant see the Forest Hills for the West Village entire volume its! The entire volume of its container and may become volatile and explosive when compressed of New York flashes,. - the good, the face behind Girl with the deal crap, has rips! Agree to our Terms and Privacy Policy and to receive email correspondence from us year the Cyclone was in. I fucked up severely my roommate says, I know all about the pros and of! Where do fat cows go on vacation up and go, you agree our! Beautiful woman in the All-Star Game, he got a million votes recently showed that New realize... Tunnel is New jokes about new york city smell back fat in all the time thats not so bad, but New. Popular clean jokes each week Everybody in New York ] is all sex and violence much fun while writing to. Cyclone is the only City in the Big Apple they should change the name of ride! Is in a door., I live in New York City just said NYC bike that has been in. I look at our jokes about our fair City York puns now to. Series of stories about the locals this dude and he was struck another... Just saw two strangers share a cabone took the battery and the Google most of the tunnel is New.!